HELLO, THORACIC OUTLET SYNDROME

Wow, this has been a really, really, really long road to sharing something I wrote. I got past the fear, self-doubt, and gained the confidence to share my life and experience. I have been living with Thoracic Outlet Syndrome (TOS) and chronic pain for 8+ years. It is an invisible disease and can be very hard to diagnose. The usual reaction I get when I say, Thoracic Outlet Syndrome comes with raised eyebrows and a slight head tilt. You are probably thinking, what the heck is Thoracic Outlet Syndrome?

I'll make this simple. TOS is a compression of nerves and blood vessels located in the thoracic region located in your upper body (chest, shoulders, and neck). When there is compression the amount of blood flow is restricted from your brain and arms. Which, in turn, results in unbearable migraines and a loss of function and feeling in your arms and hands. Pain ends up radiating throughout your entire body. You also become extremely sensitive to touch. The symptoms vary everyday. This has been my life behind closed doors. Very few people know the details and I am finally ready to share!

When I was diagnosed in 2012, I searched the internet for someone who could give me a light at the end of the tunnel. Someone I could relate to or tell me it was going to be hard but to keep your head up. When I was diagnosed I felt so alone. I've shed many tears over the pain and desperation to feel GOOD the urge to get my active body back just out of pure frustration. I fought as hard as I could to keep a smile on my face. As I have continued to grow I have worked hard to listen to my body and to try my best to let others know how I’m ACTUALLY feeling, even if that means canceling plans because the aches and pains are too unbearable. Writing this  blog for anyone and everyone to see is one of the most vulnerable and gut-wrenching things I have ever done. It makes me want to climb under my blanket and wrap myself up away from the world. But I wanted to share this for people like me eight years ago, who felt isolated from their chronic pain.

Even when you have an amazing support system living with this type of pain is still lonely. I wouldn’t be where I am today without my support system. You’re all the real MVP’s in my life. Some of my closest friends don’t know the level of pain I endure every day because I tend to cover it up. Everyone says, "you look so great, you always look like you're having so much fun all the time". Yes, of course I am having fun. Yes, I do look “healthy", but I don't share or show my pain because if I did I would lose myself. I didn't want people constantly asking me if I was ok. If I needed a break. If I needed to lay down. I didn't want to miss out on the life I had always envisioned for myself. After a lot of reflection and experience, I have come to accept that no matter where you are in your life, what age you are, what bridges you have to cross, everyone always has their own version of what life will be like. I’ve always been in awe and incredibly proud of seeing my friends achieve amazing career and life goals even if I am sitting back and watching their lives blossom from the sidelines. Living with Chronic pain can make it incredibly hard to accomplish your goals. You’re tired, sore and exhausted. I have been there. I’ve had many bad days. But, trust me, things can look up for you. They just might look a little different and be a bit more challenging than the person sitting next to you.

I am sharing my real low and high points with you because I’m done masking my pain. For years, I believed that, ”If I talk about it, it makes things too real”. Please hear me when I say this: this is negative talk and it is masking the pain and the truth. But, why did I do it? Because pain follows you everywhere it is hard to escape. It’s there when you go to sleep, when you wake up, when you brush your teeth, when you walk your dog, or when you are in mid-conversation. After much needed rumination and the support from my friends and family I’ve had to focus and find alternate therapies. It’s helped me process what I have been battling with for all these years. The idea behind, “The Uncommon Balance”, is to share my experiences, give you someone to relate to, share my knowledge of alternative remedies, food and how to cull and choose doctors. 

Most of all I want to show you and guide you how to care for your body, mind and soul through trying times. I hope to see you back here. Stay connected for all the inside details on my life, wellness hacks and my medical journey. This space is ultimately for you so,  please reach out because, I want to hear what questions you might have and what YOU may be going through.